I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
