got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
