During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
