It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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