Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Randomize
