Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
