i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
