Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
