We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
