There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
