woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize