I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
