Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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