is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
