Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His hands were made for my vagina.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize