My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
