I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
