she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He better not be in your backpack
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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