I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
