just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
