I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
