it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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