I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
