i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
