If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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