I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
