guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
