I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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