Where did you get a picture of my penis
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
