You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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