don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
