What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
