Non-Jews are for practice
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
