he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
