And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
