I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
