I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
