is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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