She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
