Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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