Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
