If that was your dad, he is hot
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
