I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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