Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize