I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Its about making memories worth repressing
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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