You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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