I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
