Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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