I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
