It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
