i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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