I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize