so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
They have beer where we have blood.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize