What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
