READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
