No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
