she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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