Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
