i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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