If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
