it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
