Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
