I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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