nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
