How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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