i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
