he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my shit smells like andre
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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