Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
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I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
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SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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