My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
