I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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