Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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