My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
