I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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