i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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