I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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