and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
