I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
