he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
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how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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