I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
