just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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