We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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