He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
