I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
His nipple licking is glorious
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
