If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
