We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
