dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
